The Best Frzoen Stories Ever
by FantasyFoSho
Summary: A collection of the greatest Frozen stories ever, by me.
1. How Elsa Found True Love

Once upon a time there was a girl and her name was Elsa and she said she wished she could find a really cute guy who was cute and tall and smart and handsome and had big muscles. She was walking one day in her castle when she looked out a window of a big tower and saw him standing there outside. He was tall and cute and his smartness was showing on his face and Elsa could already tell that he was very well endowed. Her cheeks turned red and she moaned.

She opened the window and then fell to the ground and landed with a loud bang. She cried because she broke her legs. The handsome guy saw her and walked to her.

"Hey girl are you okay?" he asked, super concerned. He had no facial hair which was good because facial hair was gross.

"I'm fine." Elsa said, looking up and smiling wildly. "I just broke both my legs."

"Oh snap girl." handsome dude said. "Let me get you a bandage. Oh and my name is Edward Cullen III."

He ran away. Elsa sighed. He was so beautiful and the way he was swinging his arms like a windmill while he ran made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside. She massaged her broken legs and created a snowman and played catch with him while singing a song called _I Like Flowers._ After a second or something Edward was back and he had a bandage.

"Here," he said, giving one to Elsa. Elsa put it on her leg.

"What about my other leg?" she asked.

"Gosh darn it, I forgot!" said Edward smacking his head with his palm.

"No don't hurt yourself baby your beautiful face will get bruised." said Elsa. She was very worried.

"Here you can use my shirt as a bandage." He took off his blue top, showing off his rippling 12-pack abs and melon-sized biceps. Elsa reached out and touch them.

"You like dis?" he asked. Elsa nodded slowly, her eyelids fluttering.

She stood up, her legs all better thanks to the healing power of her bandages. "Whisk me away my prince." she sighed, clambering up onto Edward's back.

"Yes my lady. Let's go start a family."

"Ok."

**THE END**


	2. The Greatest King To Ever Live

Once upon a time in a land called the Southern Isles, there was a king. His name was Draco Potter Westergard The Fourth. He was a good king who never did anything wrong. His loyal subjects who would do anything for him anything at all considered him fair, intelligent, cruel, gassy, and old; all wonderful traits for a monarch. He was sixty three years old, but he looked like he was sixty seven. In actuality he was seventy years old, which was considered very old.

In his eighty years of living he impregnated his wife 4 times, and she gave birth to 13 beautiful sons. Yes, that is three sets of quadruplets, and then Hans, the troubled one. Twenty three years after Hans was born, all of his brothers were grown as well and became very successful men. King Draco, who was now fifty three years old, had grown a beard. The beard did not suit him well, and as such many people called it haggard. This offended the beard, which in turn offended the king. Not one to take offenses lightly, King Draco declared war on himself, and sent his armies to conquer his own capital city. King Draco, ruler of the city, upon seeing the incredible forces of King Draco, knew that he couldn't win, and had the white flag strung up to signal his surrender.

Upon seeing this, King Draco proceeded through the gates, sat on the throne, flung himself off the throne and then sat on it again. The old king was gone and a new king now ruled in his place: King Draco Potter Westergard The Fourth, _new_ king of the Southern Isles. Draco, now the ruler, declared that the old king should be hung for his crimes against the country and on the fifth day of the fifth month of an arbitrary year, he tried to hang himself, but ultimately failed.

Months later, when it was time for him to travel to Arendelle to witness the coronation of Elsa, the new Queen, he was still hospitalized and in a sad state for a man who was only thirty five years old. So instead, he sent his son Hans, who he knew would do him and the country proud.  
><strong><br>THE END**


	3. The Legend of Cool Guy

On a dark and stormy night, where lightning flashed across the horizon to create a fleeting web of arced light, a cool guy appeared. No one knew where he was from. Or _when _he was from. Cool Guy knew the answer, because he knew everything. He was from the future of a parallel timeline where Arendelle didn't exist. In that parallel world, Arendelle was merely a fairytale land told in what was referred to as a 'movie' titled 'Frozen'. A movie in that world was a series of moving pictures accompanied by sound, and Cool Guy, being one of the viewers of such a thing, found himself attached in particular to the characters of that aforementioned story.

So one day he decided he was going there; to Arendelle, to his imagined love Queen Elsa, who surely would not be able to resist the overpowering allure of his wit and charm and his undeniable coolness. Aside from being super cool, Cool Guy was also an assassin who knew every single form of martial arts ever to be invented—even the imaginary ones—and was the equivalent of an infinite degree blackbelt in each. A master of unparalled skill.

In addition to hand-to-hand combat skills, Cool Guy was also a weapon master, able to wield two of any kind of weapon, be they swords or knives or even bows and firearms. To his skeptics, who would call it impossible to wield two bows at the same time, he would eloquently say, "Who needs logic when you have _sweg_?", and they would shed tears for each time they were proven wrong as they witnessed Cool Guy soaring through the air firing off arrows from each of his two bows which he held in each of his hands. Also he could fly. Oh, and once a month he turned into a werewolf and once a week he was a vampire.

So there he went, and when he had arrived at that mythical place it was raining, with bolts of lightning and drops of water crashing against the ground and the castle that was just visible in the distance. The forest that surrounded him… was irrelevant, so he opted not to mentally describe them for it would take far too long and he wanted to get to the part where Elsa fell in love with him as soon as he could. He teleported into the castle. Oh yeah, he could do that too. Sometimes he just randomly gets awesome powers. That's just how cool he was.

Inside the castle he met Anna, Elsa's sister, who fainted at the sight of him because he was so handsome. Cool Guy waited patiently for three days while Anna recovered. When her eyes finally opened once more, she beheld him and once again fainted, this time for a week. Cool Guy thought it best to just leave her alone, for dazzling beauty was a curse and he didn't want to harm the poor girl anymore.

He found Elsa in her chambers, working on some trivial thing that he didn't care about. Her eyes widened as she looked upon him. He walked up to her and swept his arm across her desk, sending all of her papers and books and writing utensils crashing to the floor.

"Who… who are you?" she asked, her voice quivering. Here cheeks were red and her hands fidgeted.

"I'm Cool Guy, m'lady." he said, tipping his fedora.

"Oh Cool Guy, I've dreamt about you for so long!" Elsa replied, swooning. "You've finally come! But why, I must ask?"

Cool Guy fell onto one knee and took Elsa's hand into his own. "To ask one thing of you." he whispered.

Elsa nodded her head. Her cheeks turned a dark maroon. "What is it?" she said.

Cool Guy removed his fedora, placing it onto the ground. He stared Elsa straight in the eye. "Ay baby," he began seductively. "you wan' sum fuk?"


End file.
